“That was dysphoria?” 8 signs and symptoms of indirect gender dysphoria » Zinnia Jones.
I stumbled across the post linked above a week or so ago while looking for a quick and easy definition of “dysphoria” (spoiler alert: no such thing exists). After quickly skimming the post I was shocked. Nearly everything the author mentions in her post sounded like things I had heard my partner say before they started hormones, and just like the author says, all of these feelings evaporated when my partner began hormones even though it was never apparent to either of us until after they began HRT that these feelings were in any way related to their gender.
I think this post is a really, really important read for all trans* people, my partner and I both believed that they were completely alone in their experience until I found this post.
Yesterday morning (Tuesday, October 29th, 2013) my partner took their first dose of Estrogen and anti-androgens. So we’ve won that battle, and now we’re facing whatever estrogen may mean for my partner, and by extension, me. It doesn’t quite feel real to me yet, even after watching them take the first dose, we put so much emotion and energy into trying to get this prescription and now that they have it, it’s just a couple of pills twice a day and a whole lot of waiting. It’s such a drastic change in pace from all the frenetic energy and phone calls and ups and downs that went into getting here.
My partner is both excited and nervous. They describe it kind of like packing up all of their worldly belongings and moving across the country to start working at their dream job. Sure, they’re excited, but they’re also leaving behind everyone and everything they’ve ever known and they are going somewhere where they don’t know anyone and they have no idea if things will work out, and that’s pretty scary.
My biggest worry is for my partner’s mental health. They have depression with suicidal thoughts and an anxiety disorder; I worry that the estrogen could make those things worse, but I also hope that it could make those things better. In spite of my worries, I’m excited, I think that this is a really good thing for my partner and I’m pretty confident that any problems we encounter will be things we can handle. Now all we have to do is wait.
On Monday I went up to D.C. with my partner for their second appointment at the LGBT Clinic. This appointment was a kind of like a very basic physical (except without the getting undressed or peeing in a cup or any of that awkward, unpleasant shit) , with some questions about their goals for transition, medical history and their family history and some blood work. The doctor was polite, friendly and professional and it was clear that she was comfortable and experienced with working with trans* people. My partner was also able to be honest with her about the fact that they are trans feminine and not a trans woman without risking being denied HRT. The whole visit was refreshingly quick and pleasant and, if results from the blood work are good, when my partner goes back in two weeks they should be able to come home with a prescription for Estrogen.